This is part one of my diary about my experiences in the maelstrom of writing and performing it across the UK

This isn’t particularly erotic. So don’t bother reading any further if you just want to jerk off.

At my last really successful sold out gig organised in a very straight pop up venue at a tiny provincial comedy festival I was immediately followed and messaged on tik tok by a guy calling himself Crazy Dave … who said he saw my show and loved it… and his friend who ran the venue suggested he should ask me to go for a drink.

As this approach to Mistress wasn’t strictly within the world of BDSM I politely turn him down , my bad, I should have just ignored him as he took this as an acknowledgement that we now had some kind of connection and DM’s, again… a few days later … “ you don’t look like a cunt but you sound like one” and some mad ramblings about baby eaters and the new world order.

And then messages AGAIN

“That message I just sent I was in a bad mood… it was out of character… I just broke up with my GF”

So, obviously i I block him… and hear no more from him …. and I’m sure this isn’t something I need to say on fetlife but if you’re a newbie vanilla promoter running a pop up venue at a comedy festival, or even if you’re an audience member and your mate Crazy Dave says he fancies one of the acts… who is a dominatrix. Don’t try to set them up because you think the fact they are a dominatrix means they must be crazy, too… Crazy Dave and … The crazy dominatrix. You guys have so much in common…. You’re both crazy…. or maybe they thought a dominatrix was what he needed to get him under manners.

And don’t get me started about the lovely kinkster woman who came to very promising show in Leicester and hit on me afterwards. Unfortunately I was too responsible and couldn’t do anything about it as I had a show early the next day, so I had to go to bed… on my own and also because she’d come to the show .. chaperoned by ( or was she chaperoning ) her polycule… of 5 BOYFRIENDS …. But as the saying goes; only regret what ( or who ) you didn’t do,